Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
