im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize