After last night, I could never be a politician.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
