I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
