you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
