My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
