Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
