I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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