Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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