my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
