It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
