I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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