the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
