***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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