apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
