At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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