Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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