he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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