Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
