you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize