That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
