She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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