i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
