just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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