I wannas sexs uuuuu
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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