Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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