I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
