There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
