just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Im part way to drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
