she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
