Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
