meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
