now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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