piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
