...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
