my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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