I'm eating all of the evidence.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
