i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
