It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
