I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
