Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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