dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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