Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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