and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
