Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
