check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
