I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
