Cold hands, warm shart.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
