...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
