life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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