We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
