My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
