Umm I'm too high to move.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
