I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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