I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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