we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize