his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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