I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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