How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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