So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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