none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
