More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
