when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
