theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
