me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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