she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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