Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
