We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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