see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
